Girl Dislocates Shoulder While Pulling Down Pants

        At exactly 1:51 this afternoon, local Purcellville resident Eva Gross was admitted to the Loudoun INOVA hospital for trauma sustained to her arm and shoulder while pulling down her own pants in the bathroom. “It’s not true,” Gross told us, groggy from the painkillers, “it was a bar fight. I mean, a motorcycle accident…just like Dark Angel.” Sources close to the injured girl, however, tell a different story. (These sources wish to remain anonymous, as they are all the members of Gross’ immediate family.) “Eva’s always had a little trouble with pants. Skirts she does just fine with, as long as they’re the easy pull up elastic kind,” said one source. Another tells the tale of the incident in question. “We knew something was wrong when she didn’t come out of the bathroom for lunch. We had guacamole. She loves guacamole.”

            But how exactly does one injure an arm and shoulder removing their own clothing? I guess we’ll have to leave that to mystery and imagination. And a team of forensic experts who have skillfully recreated the incident in question to the best of the abilities and knowledge. According to experts, the action of squatting and pulling at the same time can cause serious injuries only if the arm in question is at a sever right angle from the body. They believe the most logical explanation for this occurrence has to be that Gross’ hand was caught in her belt loop as the momentum of her arm continued to remove her pants.

            Quite a jumble to be sure. “Yeah, she’s a klutz,” said another anonymous source at Gross’ bedside. Gross immediately countered through her drugged induced haze, “ No I’m not. I’m Dark Angel!”