Don’t Be Duped By Young Liars

Two young girls, aged 18 and 23, were arrested today on charges of creating and spreading irresponsible lies.  The girls, Marlen Santos and Eva Gross of Purcellville, Virginia have hurt many with their falsehoods and shown a general lack of moral spine, particularly in regards to the wellbeing of their community.

            The first lie centered around a vacant retail space in their hometown. At one time a respectable supermarket, the then-empty building became the girls’ practice stage. They began to spread rumors that the property would be turned into a raging nightclub, fatally buoying the hopes of Purcellville night-lifers. “It’s hard to know what to do after such a betrayal,” said Erin Faroe, who had already planned on booking the supposed nightclub for her wedding, “I feel like I’ve lost a close friend.” For now such nightclub seeking youth will have to continue to make due with the 11 p.m. closing time of Giant Grocery Store, the center of Purcellville’s late night scene.

From a different perspective, the people of the Empty Storefront Guild were hurt by these lies as well. “It sickens me to know that there are people out there who don’t respect the privacy of a vacant lot anymore,” said local chapter president Erin Rist. Rist and her organization are largely responsible for the actions being filed against Santos and Gross in both this case and the case of an even more disgusting lie involving salt. (Rist is also an avid participant in the “Salt for Us, Salt for All” charity and salt aficionados society.)

            The last and most egregious of the lies the girls were able to spread while they were still at large was simple in nature, devastating in result. According to Santos and Gross, if you eat a handful of salt per day, you will miraculously lose weight, grow taller, and/or live forever. Fanciful though it would seem, the persuasive powers of these two girls combined was such that they had the town eating out of their hands, so to speak. It’s difficult and painful to record just how many they have hurt with this most heinous of lies and in deference to those effected we will simply say that the results were less than desirable.

            As for the motivation behind such malicious slander, we may never know. As they were being dragged from the courtroom, both girls were shouting their innocence and that they had been falsely accused. Luckily, now we know enough so as not to be duped any longer. One can only hope that such liars will be locked up for a long time to come.