Litter Liner Informants Murdered in High Heels by Fleeing Photographer

Litter Liner Reader,

            On behalf of the staff here at the Litter Liner, I would like to take a short break from our investigative lying to announce that for the week of July 17 through 25, our editorial staff will be on a brief hiatus. Unlike our previous stoppage that lasted over three months and was in large part due to a lack of proper amounts of Sour Patch Kids, this official hiatus is of the utmost and fatal seriousness.

            Yesterday evening at precisely 7:15 two of the Litter Liner’s most crucial informants were found in an unfathomable state on the outside basement stairs in one of the tougher Leesburg neighborhoods. The informants, whose families have requested that their identities be withheld, were doing undercover work for the Litter Liner (more information of the circumstances we cannot divulge) and were posing as two friends going to a photo shoot.

            The photographer, one Erin Rist, is thought to have poisoned the girls with an overdose of gluten-laced water. It is now being speculated that our two informants were gluten-intolerant.

In a brutal twist of fatal irony, the wounds you see here are those created by Rist and the girls themselves from latex and crumpled food bits. Prior to the deaths, Rist had photographed the girls in shots of escalating danger. Ice picks, wheelbarrows, and not to mention stilettos told a contradictor story that more than baffled paramedics, called in by the local deliveryman, who were thoroughly confused when the injuries they attempted to bind felt “more like oatmeal than entrails,” according to the medical report.

By the time the Litter Liner investigators appeared on the scene of their co-worker’s grisly murder, Rist had long since vanished. Witness to the scene claim to have seen a headscarf-clad young femme fatal headed “in the general direction of the Midwest-possibly Iowa.” This was according to Benny Rist the family dog, who chose this extraordinary moment to prove that he was smarter than anyone thought.

However vague this lead may seem, the Litter Liner is dedicated to justice. We have vowed to exact revenge on Erin Rist for the cold-blooded killing of our beloved informants.

It is for this reason that, effective immediately, the Litter Liner will be taking a brief hiatus to track Rist and uncover the truth of this darkly mysterious incident.

Little is known of the motivation that drove Rist to such extremes or even if it was Rist whose gluten-filled glasses dealt two young girls their fatal blow.

Rest assured, however, we here at the Litter Liner will do our utmost to bring our readers the truth, and if the truth is too boring, we promise a fantastically outrageous lie to explain what we are now dubbing the Fake-Gore Murders.

Thank you for your time and your readership,

Signed Sincerely,

 

The Management