Tragic Holding-In-Sneeze Death

The community mourned the loss of young Rose Murphy today at a ceremony dedicated to the dearly departed victim of a sneeze gone awry. Murphy was killed instantly on Wednesday evening when she held in a violent sneeze that then backfired into her brain and imploded her small frame. From an early age children are told that their eyes will fly out if they sneeze with them open, when the reality of a mismanaged sneeze is that they would simply disappear.

A heartbreaking end to such a promising young life. Murphy was at the top of her graduating class and had the choice of top tier schools before the mucosal explosion.

Tissues abounded in the memorial service as the circumstances of this tragic passing made everyone more acutely aware of their own nasal habits.

“Rose was a star on the rise,” one of her teachers said, “if only she had better nasal awareness.”

Such “nasal awareness” is in short order these days. It’s not just shy girls holding in their sneezes so as not to draw attention to themselves anymore. 

“I don’t like to sneeze because it takes too much time and it’s annoying,” Tim Cordoba said coming out of the service, “I guess I’ll have to change that…”

           

    We'll all have to change that, Tim. We'll all have to change that. One thing is for certain. We should all take a long, hard look at our own nasal practices and be grateful for the time that we have left with our noses.