As we know from the events of a few short weeks ago, Eva Gross does not do well when interacting with sticky substances. Gross previously managed to glue her own elbow into a chicken-wing position and has now outdone her previous blunder by gluing her own eyelashes together in a twisted mess of mascara and tears.
“I never wear make-up, but I didn’t think it could go so horribly, horribly wrong,” Gross sobbed as her mother and sisters worked tirelessly to unstuck her lashes with everything from peanut butter to ground and mashed dog biscuits.
“The trick is to put everything you can think of onto the stuck area,” Louise Gross managed to tell us while mixing wet cat food with honey and maple syrup, “It’s just like getting gum out of hair. Piece of cake.”
“Mom, I still have gum in my hair from when I was seven,” Julia Gross said, “Maybe we should try make up remover.” However, her advice was drown out by the sounds of panicked, hyperventilating sobs and the food processor breaking down red and blue colored Crayola crayons.
“The red ones work the best,” Marlen Santos declared as the three women dumped crayon bits into an already frothing pot on the stove.
“And I added blue so it would turn a powerful purple,” Rose Murphy added with little time for further explanation.
As she was saying this, the pot gurgled and burped an outrageous, near-explosion sized burp. All eyes turned to Louise Gross who was holding an empty bag of dry, powdered cement.
“That was supposed to happen,” she said somewhat shakily. She then proceeded to pour the steaming glop onto the counter and beat it mercilessly with a rolling pin. When the glop looked like it had settled down, the women spooned large tablespoons-full onto Eva’s eyes. Eva was still mumbling about how she would never again make the mistake of putting on make up while operating a riding lawn mower.
“There,” Louise said, “That should do it.”
With that, the women, looking exhausted by their efforts, went up to bed.
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